Long Before Krypto, There Was My Not-So-Superdog, Clark

It's a bird, it's a plane — whatever it is, Clark will bark at it.

It’s been a minute since I shared the adventures of our not-so-Superdog. And now that Superman’s CGI pet, Krypto, helped save the world and Warner Bros. with a $200 bajillion weekend, I thought I'd share some of the amazing feats of heroics Clark’s got under his belt. If he wore a belt. Or pants.

Like Krypto, Clark came to us from another world (specifically, a strip mall pet store in New Jersey), but that’s not where the similarities end.

He Can Fly!

We first learned of Clark’s superpower last Thanksgiving. We always tuck our dining room chairs in so that he can’t climb up on the table. It’s simple, but it works and has saved many a pizza. But when a platter of freshly roasted turkey plunked down? Something deep inside of Clark was unleashed. From a complete standstill, he launched himself up onto the table — in a single bound! — and lunged for the bird. Luckily, a bowl of green beans got in his way and I grabbed him before he got a lick in. As I lowered his writhing body to the ground, he morphed into a little furry Lex Luthor, shaking a paw at the sky and howling, “Curse you, vegetables!”

His ability to fly was not a one-time trick. This summer, he made a similar table leap during a graduation party at our house. Only this time, there was no one or bowl of greens to slow his roll. Long story short: That plate of prosciutto didn’t stand a chance. Slightly longer story: Neither did Clark’s bowels. The salted meat made a hasty exit from both ends. I’d have been mad at him, but, c’mon, who among us hasn’t spewed in the middle of a party?

He’s Here to Help Man and Womankind

A couple of years ago, while the members of our household were getting our favorite form of exercise (sitting on the couch), Lisa got up to get a snack from the kitchen. She grabbed a cracker from the cabinet, turned and tripped over Clark’s water bowl, hitting the ground with a thunderous crash. Clark launched himself from the couch and into the kitchen to find Lisa splayed out on the floor. He ran right up to her and dutifully rescued…the cracker out of her hand. He darted back into the living room and swallowed it whole. Okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly the most superheroic move, but at least he got off the couch rather than just yelling, “You okay?” from underneath a Snuggie like some other members of the Bova Justice League.

He Always Gets the Job Done

When Clark was a puppy, he wasn’t bound by the rules of mankind — and its doors. One day, the front door to our house was left ajar. Now, if you live in a 100-year-old house like I do, you know that nothing is straight and nothing closes properly and everything is always ajar. It’s so quaint! Anyway, he saw a sliver of daylight and went on a mission that he’d clearly been masterminding for a long time. Clark shot across the street and straight into our neighbors’ open front door. I ran after him, but stopped at the foyer because this was the height of the pandemic and breathing in other people’s homes was still frowned upon. Before I could even call his name, I heard our neighbor’s three-year-old daughter scream in horror. And then in a flash, Clark came bounding out and zipped through my legs and darted back to our house…with the little girl’s stuffed flamingo clenched in his teeth.

Hard to say if he has X-ray vision and knew that the flamingo was in dire need of assistance. But it was crystal clear that it was now covered in dog drool and a replacement was quickly ordered. (Amazon, you are the real hero of this story.) Now, wherever she sees Clark coming down the sidewalk, our neighbors’ daughter quickly hides whatever toy she’s playing with behind her back. Secret identity blown.

He Is Building His Own Fortress of Solitude

At least that’s what I have to assume. For years, Clark has been collecting sticks and bringing them back to our yard. And I now know the purpose. And like The Daily Planet’s ace photographer Jimmy Olsen, I scored the pics to prove it.